While here we thought they were experiencing a dry patch, our beloved group of friends the WBC have returned: full throttle.
And this time they're taking it to the land of the blasphemous Simon Cowell and Hermione Satan Granger... thats right y'all, Londonnnnn!
Of course the media has gotten all up in their godly grill for picketing outside an elementary school who planned a week long series of special lessons to commemorate LGBT History Month. This being said, I've done some extensive investigative journalism and have come to the conclusion that the WBC just might be picketing the Tomlinson School in London for reasons not pertaining to their usual "God Hates Fags" schtick.
Reason # 1:
The Tomlinson School which the WBC plans to picket is located in a place called Leytonstone. Root word of Leytonstone: Leyton. Canadian NDP candidate: Jack Layton.
The Bible has a clear stance on baldness and sweet 'staches (see image above) as stated in Leviticus 21: "They shall not make any baldness on their heads, nor shave off the edges of their beards."
Jack Layton is clearly the ultimate example of Biblical hypocrisy and thus any town baring his name must be condemned. It's the simple and clear logic of God, guys.
Reason #2:
For LGBT memorial week the school used books depicting a positive image of homosexual relationships.
One book was about two male penguins. Perhaps the underlying issue here is not the church's stance on homosexuality but the Bible's stance on penguins.
Penguins oft have yellow feathers protruding from their head like the blazing fires of hell. To this I say, 'march on you hell-bent birds. Come judgement day, ye shall win no more 2005 Oscars for best documentary.'
Reason #3:
The WBC made a statement that their picket at the Tomlinson School "is yet another warning to the UK to repent of their manifold sins of the flesh or perish."
Now, I looked up the term "manifold" and it can be defined as "a mathematical space in which every point has a neighborhood." The manifold sins of the flesh must be math class!
The WBC has not come to offend, they've come to get these bored students out of class. And that my friends, is worthy of a high five.
We seem so quick to assume that the Westboro Baptist Church will be picketing against LGBT rights month at this London school.
We jump to the conclusion: "oh the Phelpses? They must be on some anti-gay rights protest."
But are our stereotypical assumptions the true reason behind the WBC's voyage to the land of tea, Elton John and the Union Jack?
Or perhaps we are unwilling to accept the inconvenient truth that they are there to preach the Biblical truth regarding Jack Layton's facial hair, penguins and math class.
Until next time fair warriors of God!
