It's estimated that last Tuesday, approximately 1.8 million people gathered in Washington, DC in front of the Capitol Building to watch the inauguration of President Barack Obama (pictured above in his true form). Amongst that sizable crowd were 12 of our favourite people ever from the Westboro Awesome Church, who showed up in force to picket the event, carrying signs such as the painfully clever "Hell to the Chief", complete with two stick figures sodomizing each other in front of the American flag, and the understated yet all-encompassing "God Hates The World."
I think it was a truly spectacular showing on the part of the WBC, maybe one of their best pickets yet! Fortunately for us, someone was able to capture the whole glorious affair on video!
Also, congrats to the losers harassing the picketers, you guys are so cool with your satanism and doomedness.
"For I am the LORD, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed."
There’s been a lot of hoo-ha about the children being raised in the Westboro Baptist Church and the ethics of making them picket yada yada yada.
Seriously, guys? STFU. Get your own kids. As demonstrated in the photo below, it’s really not that difficult, especially when there’s an over population problem.
These kids' lives rock. If I could go back in time I would steal their childhood and make it my own.
See, I wish my childhood was in sunny Topeka, Kansas like these lucky youngsters but instead I grew up in freeze-your-balls-off Ontario.
I wish my childhood involved holding up cardboard signs and getting attention instead of writing sexually offensive stories about my grade 1 teacher and young boys for which I was dragged to the office.
I wish my childhood involved blaming someone, a group of people... anyone really. Instead I had to take responsibility for my bad recorder skills in grade 3 even though we all know it was the fault of my horrible devil enabling recorder instructor who was trying to transfer her evil pagan music into my instrument.
Because of picketing, these kids also grow up getting into trouble with the law here and there. This means by their teens:
A)They obtain some sort of a bad boy/girl reputation.
B)They have a sense of mystery and some pain behind those eyes.
A + B = they get laid. A lot. Has anyone here not seen the O.C.?
Relax. These young girls and boys are going to grow up and do one of two things: stay in the church or leave. If they stay, we get to blog forever and those who are "politically active" will always have something to care about. If they leave, they have a raw and intense life story that will later benefit them through lots and lots of sex.
Everyone’s a winner so let them live their lives.
Plus it has been confirmed that they have a Wii. This is not a joke. Jealous!
"Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword!”
xoxo
(Matthew 10:34)
Note: Do not worry if you thought Russell Crowe was bringing the sword. So did we. Matthew's telling us it's Christ though so we're going to go with him on this one. Again, don't worry about it. It's an easy mistake to make. Please do not feel guilty about this or for being a blasphemous heathen.
So the other day, in between bench-pressing busses and looking at pictures of Westboro pickets, I happened to come across the WBC’s picketing schedule. It turns out Fred, Shirley, and the whole gang are going to be busy little beavers tomorrow! On the 19th, the WBC will be staging 11 pickets, including 10 in Washington DC, and one in Baltimore (cause fuck ‘em, right?). Amongst locations being protested are the French, British, Australian, Vatican, Kenyan, Swiss, Irish, Italian, Israeli, and Canadian Embassies! It’s really an honour just to be nominated!
According to the schedule about the picketing of the Canadian Embassy: “We are not coming all the way to this nation's capital and NOT picket the embassy of the the second most evil nation in the DOOMED world… We have DNA evidence against that evil land. AMEN!” It just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside when they tell us they love us like that, and to come second for World’s Most Evil Nation? That’s truly an accomplishment. Congratulations, everyone! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my sodomy and sinning.
Clearly God Loves Hipsters. As demonstrated in the photo above by The Most Hated Awesome Family in America, Fred and his crew are more scene than the entire Urban Outfitters chain listening to the Juno soundtrack… and that don’t make no sense!
In the entry below my colleague noted Fred’s excellent sense of fashion and commented on his sunglasses. This new photo reaches unprecedented levels of indie.
On the right we have Fred’s daughter, Margie J., who holds two signs like a champ. She’s a less famous daughter than Shirley, giving her bonus hipster points for being non-mainstream. The American flag tied around her waist screams DIY fashion. Can you say artist?
Check out Fred’s wife Margie M. She’s the adorable old lady with the sign that says “You’re Going to Hell” and the pea coat that says “I listen to bands you’ve never heard of.” Her hand is in her pocket, probably because she’s stealthily texting to see how long plaid scarves will be on sale for at the mall. Margie gets bonus points for effortlessly nailing the half dead look that most hipsters try but only the true accomplish.
Lets turn our focus to Fred, who like a true gentleman, stands behind the ladies letting them have the spotlight. Who said chivalry was dead? Obviously it was the enablers of this doomed nation. Fred’s wearing Ray Bans or a better version of them and seriously does this guy have a pair of sunnies for every picket? I hope so. I think in his head he’s jamming to some Death Cab. I’m going to send him a personalized “God Hates Fags,” fedora in the mail. Cute? Cute.
"Destruction cometh; and they shall seek peace, and there shall be none."
It's estimated that last Tuesday, approximately 1.8 million people gathered in Washington, DC in front of the Capitol Building to watch the inauguration of President Barack Obama (pictured above in his true form). Amongst that sizable crowd were 12 of our favourite people ever from the Westboro Awesome Church, who showed up in force to picket the event, carrying signs such as the painfully clever "Hell to the Chief", complete with two stick figures sodomizing each other in front of the American flag, and the understated yet all-encompassing "God Hates The World."
